


sometimes

by PilotStudios



Category: One Piece
Genre: (but it's really vague), Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, ice hunter arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24779659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PilotStudios/pseuds/PilotStudios
Summary: puzzle and stansen, post-ice hunters arc
Relationships: Puzzle/Stansen (One Piece)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> this is old, but i realized that i never posted it over here so, here it is! i really liked the ice hunter arc, what can i say

Sometimes, Puzzle still wakes up to fire, burning in the sky towards them, lighting Vigaro’s final smile before vanishing into darkness forever. And in those moments, it hurts just as much as it did then, a burning searing pain that had nothing to do with the fire that rained down around them.

In those moments, he’s grateful he sleeps alone.

Sometimes, he’s able to shake the pain away and go back to sleep. He’ll be off the next day, just a little, but his crew is kind and understanding, even if they don’t know why. He doesn’t quite get their devotion to him sometimes but devoted they are, and on those days he’s grateful. But other times, the pain lingers on, a tightness in his chest that constricts everything.

In those times, all he can think about is how badly he failed. In those times, he really doesn’t understand his crew’s devotion. How can they have so much faith, when he’s already let them down so much?

He gets up, inevitably, when it gets too much to lie there any longer. He’ll give thought as to where to go, what to do on those restless nights, but he always ends up heading to the brow of the ship.

And Stansen is always there.

(And Puzzle is always afraid, in those moments when he steps out onto the deck and before he sees the brow, that he won’t be there, because Puzzle doesn’t know what he might do if he isn’t).

But Stansen is always there, leaning against the rail, looking out to the sea. He always has his cloak on, no matter the weather, and he always clutches it around him like he’s cold. But he’s always still.

Puzzle always approaches quietly, feet silent against the wood. And when he’s about a foot away, Stansen always looks up, heading turning slightly to face him. If the moon is out, he can catch a gleaming in his eyes, before Stansen blinks it away.

“Captain,” He says. He always manages to sound so surprised. “What are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” He always replies. He never gives any other explanation, but he knows that Stansen knows because it’s why Stansen is out here too. They never talk about it, these nightly meetings, yet Stansen is always there whenever his guilt drives him out here to the edge. He wonders, sometimes, if Stansen is there for him, or because of his own demons, but he never asks.

He just goes to stand beside him, gripping the rail to hide his shaking hands. Neither of them speaks, in those moments. They just stand there, silent, listening to the lap of the ocean.

It isn’t until the sun begins to rise, casting the ship in a familiar yellow-red hue and Puzzle’s breath catches in his throat (fire, fire burning the sky, Vigaro’s smile in yellow-red hues) that Stansen will move and rest his head against Puzzle’s shoulder. And only then will he speak, his voice vibrating against the slope of Puzzle’s collar.

And he always says, “It’s going to be okay.”

Just that. Nothing profound. And yet, sometimes, in those moments, it feels that way.

Puzzle never says anything in response. Sometimes he cries, sometimes he smiles, sometimes he does nothing at all. But he never says anything. He doesn’t know how to, yet.

And they stay like that for a while, Puzzle leaning on the rail, Stansen leaning on him, and Stansen’s cloak fluttering around them. They stay until the rest of the ship awakes, loud and rambunctious, like they always are on those mornings.

And only then do they separate and join the others, Puzzle going first and Stansen following behind, and act like nothing happened. And he’s off on those days too, but less than he could’ve been, less than even the other days sometimes.

The guilt lingers, it always does. But it’s always easier to bear than it had been just a few hours before. And he’s always, always grateful to Stansen. The man has a talent for pulling things together when they’re falling apart. And he always prevents Puzzle from falling too far.

Someday, he’ll break the silence and tell him that, when Stansen is against him like that, as the sun climbs above the sea. Someday, when the guilt doesn’t grip quite as fiercely or as frequently.

Someday, he’ll tell Stansen that he loves him.

But for now, he just holds on to those quiet silent nights.


End file.
